Fifteen Seconds

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[Site Creator’s Note: all stories at stillbirthday are valuable and important.  Each reveals a mothers pain and hope.  Stories categorized as “loss after rape” have additional pain and likely involve additional, graphic content.  This story, shared by a loss mother, is her personal account of rape that led to pregnancy – and, rape that led to her pregnancy loss.]

Told by: Laura

I was 15. My child was conceived either by my father or my brother. I knew I was pregnany and tried to hide it. When my father found out, he drove me to my grandparents abandoned farm and started kicking nad beating me. I was called a whore for getting pregnany and possibly ruining the family. My brother tied me to a table to perform a makeshift abortion. Not knowing what time it was, Little Evangline Mariah was born. They layed her on my stomach; she moved her tiny legs and arms and tried to breathe. Then they took her away. I don’t know where she is or what happened after that. I passed out. I awoke in my grandmas room, with my father telling me to get going so nobody gets suspicious. I bled a lot, but not allowed medical attention. I wasn’t allowed to see where they got rid of my baby. They only reason I knew she was a girl is because I looked. I knew my baby for 15 seconds. February 27, 1991. Fifteen seconds I will never forget and will be with me the rest of my life.

I didn’t name her until 1 1/2 years ago, as I thought if I forgot, it wouldn’t hurt. That’s when I met Hope. She has been supportive and caring and a true friend. I’m just learning to grieve. Stuffing it inside for 20 years made this a long road. Eva is not my only loss. We suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks. I believe he was a boy, and we recently named him Hans Andew, a family name. Molly is my rainbow. She’s 11, healthy, and just a joy to my life. I praise God every day for her.

I know I’m not alone. Many others out there suffer with pregnancy resulting from rape/incest. I want to support them. Stillbirthday is a safe place to come and picture my sweet butterfly. Thank you for listening.

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  1. Amy Smith says:

    Laura I am so very sorry for all you went through, I so understand your hurt and loss. I went through similar things and feel so very alone alot. Please know you are not alone .I’m here and I understand.


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