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April is a very powerful month.


April is Child Abuse Awareness Month.

April is Alcohol Awareness Month.

April is Elective Abortion Recovery Month.

Spring has the highest rates of suicide.

April is the month of Debris Day.



These are each enormous.

Let’s break the divisiveness.  These are incorrect statements:

  • “Alcohol should be prohibited for bereaved parents.  That way they won’t self medicate and over use it.”
  • “Bereaved parents who have living children are now unworthy of emotional support.  After all, they’ve got living children now.”
  • “Mothers who’ve endured elective abortion should be mocked and shamed and are unworthy of emotional support.”

Our grief challenges us.  Our grief is hard work.

But if you can say just one kind thing to ANY of these demographics, any one kind thing to the bereaved parents reading this page, whatever kindness you can muster, please, leave your comment below for them to read.

You just might save a life.

To say thank you, one random comment will be drawn, for one large sized greeting card selection from the beautiful Lost For Words card line.  The drawing will be held on Sunday, May 5, 2013 – Bereaved Mother’s Day

 This giveaway is now closed.  The number drawn was 10.  Congratulations, Em.  Please contact me with the card of your choice from the Lost for Words card line.



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Share Your Story Share Your Story Become a Doula before during after


  1. Nobody “deserves” to be abused. It’s not your fault.

  2. Your body did not fail your baby. You did not fail your baby. You are strong, because you have got this far, which is one day further than you have ever been before.

  3. scarlett says:

    Powerful and challenging.

  4. Jennifer Kilpatrick says:

    Don’t believe your living children are a distraction from your grief. Don’t believe that they don’t get it. Don’t believe that they don’t care. Don’t punish them for these thoughts that are not true. The way you mother your living children can be an honor to your child who died.

  5. be honest with your self.
    whatever you’ve experienced(abuse, rape and other bad things) you have the chance to change it to find peace for you and to be strong for the future.
    If you recognize your mistakes no one will judje you.
    I would help pregnant whit this problems:
    sexual abuse, babyloss and momloss,rape, family against the baby and your partner(if you stay with him), single parent.

  6. When you chose to terminate your pregnancy you did it with thought and with heart. Whilst your life may be different now, if you find yourself judging and lacking compassion towards the you who made that choice, please know that at the time you did what you felt was best for your child and your act was one born from the same mother love you now feel for the children who are with you.

  7. Grief is a cruel mistress. Sometimes you just have to let her do her thing. The days get easier but the hurt is never less.

  8. Anne Risner says:

    To a friend who had an elective abortion: I love you! I will always love you and be here to help you through. I’m sorry you had to hide from fear of what others would think and carried this on your own, but I will always be here for you now. – She now has a beautiful baby girl 🙂

    Forgive yourself, God loves and holds your child, you need to love yourself as we do.

    You are a beautiful child and life. Don’t let the hate and unkindness strip you of your beauty.

  9. Wow, I didn’t know it was elective abortion recovery month! That’s great! I think many women would benefit from some sort of post abortive counseling if they have experienced an abortion. it certainly helped me!

  10. Em Heil says:

    My daughter, born at 20 weeks, was one of the smallest victims of domestic violence. On April 22, she would have been 11 years old. Through leaving, I have learned that no matter who you are and no matter what your situation, you are worthy of love! You are worth every penny you spend and every second you give yourself. You are a beloved child of God and you are worth it.

  11. stephanie says:

    Dear Bereaved Parent,

    There is no “normal.” You will find your new “normal” consists of whatever you need to do to get through the day. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to one another and gentle on this journey. Know that you are loved and that others who have been here are still here to help you on your journey.

    Love and light,

    Stephanie S.

  12. A child, at any age, is never “debris.”… The negative hurtful things that are spoken out of uneducated mouths… now that’s what I would label as debris…

  13. Elizabeth says:

    It’s not easy. It never is. But life moves forward. It’s ok to talk about your angel(s), your baby. It’s ok to feel sad. It’s OK. We still love, and live, and that’s ok too. It’s ok to laugh, and cry, and do nothing. It’s all OK. Not everyone “gets it” that’s ok. My best girl’s son was still born at 39 weeks 8 years ago. I’d had 2 medically necessary abortions, I didn’t “get it”. I was heart broken and so was she, it just wasn’t the same. Last year my son was stillborn, micro preemie. I was devastated, still am. But it’s still not the same. It will always be different, because we are all different, we grieve different. And thats OK. We can understand, and we can support each other, and love each other. That’s the best we can do, and that’s OK TOO.

  14. Evelyn Schwenke says:

    Loss is never easy. Friends are where you least expect. Hope is there but sometimes difficult to see. I’m thankful for my supportive groups, websites, friends, family and most of all thankful for my wonderful husband.

  15. Kristin Young says:

    Oh mama,
    Hold on, just HOLD ON!!!!
    One day you will be able to breathe. We cry with you. For now, just hold on and I’ll hold you with His hands.

  16. Kandi McClendon says:

    Whatever your reasons, they were personal & you did it with love & agony. No one should ever judge you. It still hurts, you still love & you’ll never forget. Remember you did it for your reasons & you deserve the same love, sympathy, grief, & support the rest of us get. You do deserve all those things and more.

  17. They took all of me, then they took you. I will never forget you or what they did to you.I hate me for not being strong enough to fight for you. I will forever carry this aching guilt in my heart because I couldnt protect you. I was so little and they were so big.


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