Breaking the Hate

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Written by: Bambi

A part of her Fit to Heal column.

As I read questions and comments from bereaved mothers in regards to taking care of their physical bodies, one thing stands out to me.

It is that we are disappointed with our bodies in relation to our losses.

As a mother, you see your body as your baby’s safe haven and you expect it to cooperate fully. When something goes awry, you can’t help but look at your body and say “You failed me, my baby is gone”.

I did it, too.

Sometimes, yes, something goes terribly wrong within our bodies that we have no control over, so you do look at your body and you hate it.

It’s normal.

So, where do you go from there? How do you go from a dislike of your body to a complete love of it?

This is where, I believe, mindset comes in.

When you think of your loss, there is pain and heartache, but there are also beautiful blessings that DO come out of it.

That is our body.

We must look beyond what we feel are it’s shortcomings and see it for the many things it can and does do for us. If you are reading this, you woke up today. Our bodies are alive and functioning. We created our babies within our bodies and it’s a miracle if you look into the science behind conception. How a body sustains a little life within it is mind-blowing.

How our bodies can continue to function every day is a miracle.

These bodies, they are the only body we will ever have. If you have stretch marks, embrace them knowing they are a sign of motherhood. If your breasts aren’t perky anymore, it’s motherhood. If you have some extra skin, it’s motherhood. If you have scars, each one has a story to tell about YOU and what you have survived.

And we are survivors. We’ve survived the worst thing a mother can endure. Does it hurt? Heavens yes, but we’ve survived.

Our body is a mother’s story of survival! That is amazing to me.

Try standing in front of the mirror, take all of your perceived flaws/bodily failures, and spin them around. What is positive about each?? It is vitally important to embrace your body for being so amazing! Once you are able to love your body, it is much easier to focus on physical health. This isn’t to say that you won’t go through periods where you pick yourself apart, but you’ll be able to handle this and manage it easier.

Bereaved Mothers day is here, and so is Mothers day.  Summer is fast approaching, and it is a season of becoming particulary aware of our bodies.  I challenge you, to consider writing a Love Letter to your body.  It’s OK if you don’t feel ready yet or strong enough to.  But if you can say anything, even, “I’m not ready to love my body yet”, and submit it in May or June, you will be entered to win a Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness ribbon belly ring!  This awesome belly ring is courtesy of Handmade Jillry.

Just click the photo below to see the Love Letters section.


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  1. Jennifer Simmons says:

    I hate my body too but I do look at many many stretch marks as my Jensen’s footprints in my tummy. Like he wrote on my body “I Was Here” Im ok with the marks..


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