Big Brother Bentley

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Told by: Stephanie

My firstborn son, Bentley Charles, was born sleeping October 18, 2011 weighing 6lbs 19 inches. He was born perfect, just simply had the cord wrapped around his neck three times. “Stephanie, I am sorry…” were the worst words that I ever heard the afternoon before we delivered Bentley.

My world was flipped upside down.

My husband and I were completely at a loss to how something so wrong could be wrong beings that I was 38 weeks. It did not make sense. I could not fathom those words- “no heartbeat“. Who could?

One thing I clung to even in those initial hours of learning that Bentley had already passed was our faith.  I had no clue why this was happening, and I did not understand why Bentley was chosen, and I certainly did not know where I was going to go from there, but I knew in the midst of the chaos–God was standing still. He was going to carry us through.

And, he has continued to carry us. Two months after burying Bentley, his father and I learned we were expecting our first rainbow baby. The pregnancy was another typical pregnancy, and Chase was born screaming looking exactly like Bentley just 10 months later, on August 7, 2012.

Life has been a rollercoaster of grief since Bentley died. And, my life is nothing what I imagined, but I believe that Bentley’s life has such a purpose.

He is my son, and he is waiting for me at Heaven’s gates. And, one day because of the promise of hope we will be a family all together when the time comes. Until then, I will be missing him every day, and we will have our ups and downs, but we will always come out on top because of Bentley.

God has blessed us again, expecting in November. We are anticipating a little girl this time. We are naming her Briella Caroline. Caroline is the femine form of Charles which is in honor of Bentley. Bentley and Briella will have the same initials and in a sense the same middle name. I know that Bentley is watching over his little sister. The anxiety never leaves after a loss, but each day I find another meaning to Bentley’s life. You can visit my blog which shares our life in a bit more detail.

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