{"id":4926,"date":"2012-02-01T14:38:28","date_gmt":"2012-02-01T14:38:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/?p=4926"},"modified":"2012-02-01T14:38:28","modified_gmt":"2012-02-01T14:38:28","slug":"i-carry-you-with-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/2012\/02\/i-carry-you-with-me\/","title":{"rendered":"I Carry You With Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Told by: Lindsay<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Grief, an incredibly heavy word that means something different to everyone it touches.\u00a0 People push it away, tamp it down, hide from it, or lose themselves in it.\u00a0 I carry the ones I\u2019ve lost close, tucked away in that special place in my heart.<\/p>\n<p>My grief is still raw from my sister, our family, losing Christian.\u00a0 It\u2019s a hot, jagged wound right in my core.\u00a0 Sometimes I swear if I touched my skin on my chest it would burn from the fire of my broken heart.\u00a0 Five months seems a lifetime, like he\u2019s been gone forever.\u00a0 Five months is like a second, the shock of his loss still so fresh.<\/p>\n<p>There is no sense to grief. No handy illustrated manual telling us what to feel, when to feel it.\u00a0 We can only ride the waves out, wait for the storms to pass.\u00a0 Cling to our loved ones that are still with us, hold the memories close.<\/p>\n<p>My best friend and her husband buried their child.\u00a0 I cannot imagine the loss, every parent\u2019s nightmare come to fruition.\u00a0 She loves that baby, loves her so much that she is forever changed. She is so gutted from losing Mary Beth; she\u2019s trying to stop other women from going through the same thing.\u00a0 Some people are resentful of this; they think her an angry misguided person.\u00a0 But she is none of the things they accuse her of.\u00a0 She is just a mother, going on forever with a piece of her missing.<\/p>\n<p>We grieve because we love, deeply and irrevocably.\u00a0 We love without restraints, and love doesn\u2019t change because a person leaves us.\u00a0 If anything, it becomes deeper, more precious. It\u2019s all we have left of them, the love we shared.\u00a0 We all go on, broken and bloody from loss and pain.\u00a0 We try to make sense of something we never will, until we\u2019re gone too.<\/p>\n<p>The surprise of living when they are gone, the laugher and smiles, and hope for tomorrow are what keep us plodding forward.\u00a0 Through the thunder rumbling in our hearts, the rain pouring from our eyes, the wind blowing wild our thoughts, we find love and support.\u00a0 We find our best friends, renew the bonds of family and friends, and stave of the loneliness with the only reason we live.\u00a0 Love.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u2026I carry you in my heart. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"kk-star-ratings kksr-auto kksr-align-left kksr-valign-bottom\"\n data-payload='{"align":"left","id":"4926","slug":"default","valign":"bottom","ignore":"","reference":"auto","class":"","count":"0","legendonly":"","readonly":"","score":"0","starsonly":"","best":"5","gap":"5","greet":"Rate this post","legend":"0\\\/5 - (0 votes)","size":"24","title":"I Carry You With Me","width":"0","_legend":"{score}\\\/{best} - ({count} {votes})","font_factor":"1.25"}'>\n \n<div class=\"kksr-stars\">\n \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-inactive\">\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"1\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"2\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"3\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"4\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"5\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-active\" style=\"width: 0px;\">\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n \n\n<div class=\"kksr-legend\" style=\"font-size: 19.2px;\">\n <span class=\"kksr-muted\">Rate this post<\/span>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Told by: Lindsay Grief, an incredibly heavy word that means something different to everyone it touches.\u00a0 People push it away, tamp it down, hide from it, or lose themselves in it.\u00a0 I carry the ones I\u2019ve lost close, tucked away in that special place in my heart. My grief is still raw from my sister, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[51],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4926","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-friends-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4926","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4926"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4926\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4926"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4926"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillbirthday.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4926"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}