Plans for Judah

Told by: Coral

I found out I was pregnant for my third child in October 2012.

Already having had 2 very healthy pregnancies, I never dreamed that this pregnancy wouldn’t end as happily as the other two.

When I went in for a routine ultra-sound at almost 21 weeks pregnant on February 6, 2013, my baby boy no longer had a heartbeat.

Five weeks later, I find myself mostly back to normal emotionally, but occasionally still having overwhelming moments of sadness and tears.

The hardest part for me right now is that I feel like I’m the only one who can and will remember him. I had planned to name him Judah.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
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