Things We Don’t Say

Grief is hard enough as it is.  Sometimes, we may have feelings that can serve to threaten an already fragile structure.

But our own silence of these things can be just as damaging as the silence our society has toward pregnancy and infant loss.

Here, is a little list, to serve as a platform for future posts.

These are things in addition to the already many feelings we know about bereavement – feeling isolated, misunderstood, silenced.

 

If you resonate with any of these, or if there’s one you’d like to see on the list, you can comment below, or you can email privately to Heidi.Faith@stillbirthday.com.

  • I felt relief.  At any point, there was a sense of relief.
  • I felt anger toward my baby.  At some point in the pregnancy or birth, I felt anger toward my baby.
  • I really might be depressed.  I want to say it isn’t so, but, it might be.
  • I feel confused as to what I grieve and how much I grieve.
  • I feel angry at my surviving children and/or my spouse, because they either don’t understand my grief or they distract me from its work.
  • I feel angry at God and/or at faith in general.
  • I feel angry at my body.
  • I feel insecure, threatened and angry at other people’s interpretations of loss, dying, or life after death.
  • Issues and pains from long ago have resurfaced because of my loss.

Please know that you are not alone, if you have felt these or other things.  We have a large support section here at stillbirthday, including emergency support.

 

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
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