He Sends Rainbows

Told by: Lucy

On 15th May I lost my baby at 12 weeks. We went for a scan and baby had no heart beat. 3 days later I went in for op. This tore me apart. Never before had I felt such heart ache.

August I found out I was expecting again. I had 3 early scans, and all was great. Twenty week scan we found out I was having a boy. Harry!

At 30 week I had a 4d scan. It was amazing. Harry was such a wriggler. We began to buy everything at this point. Decorated the nursery, brought clothes, pushchair, everything.

My due date came, 28th may 2011. No sign. This went on for 9 days. On 8th June I went out for lunch, and returned for a nap before picking my daughter up from school. 8 pm I sat having my 3rd curry of the week. When I went to bed I realized I hadn’t felt him move since lunch time.

Tried cold water, walking around. No movement. No heart beat on the doppler either.

Panic struck.

We went straight to our midwife place, she couldn’t find it either. Then went to hospital, had a scan, they couldn’t find it either.

12.20 am on the 9th June 2011 our world fell apart.

After 3 hours of talking (but I couldn’t tell you now what was said) I started induction. At 10 am I went into labour. 5 20 I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy ever.

Perfect in every way apart from he wasn’t breathing. 6. 12 and half pounds. Heart breaking.

I don’t think I stopped crying all that day.

That was the start of another nightmare. The next few weeks were every parents nightmare. Funeral planning. registering his death. Went in a haze really. We had him blessed. Held him for 3 days before we left the hospital. The hospital was brilliant. I got the best care I could have under the circumstances. That was 2 years ago.

5 weeks after, I found out I was expecting again. Terror struck me. But after excellent care again, and very regular scans I now have Benjamin Harry. He is 15 months. Our little rainbow. Sent from harry.

Its hard to live everyday with out Harry but I have to thank him for making me who I am today.

Opening my eyes to a love I’ve never felt before. Hugs to everyone else who has walked my path.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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A miracle is really the only way to describe motherhood and giving birth. It’s unbelievable how God has made us women and babies to endure and be able to do so much. A miracle, indeed. Such an incredible blessing.

— Jennie Finch

I honor you. {I DO}ula.

— an SBD Doula

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.

— Stendhal

Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.

— Erich Fromm

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

— Mark Twain

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