Why Can’t We Know Why?

Told by: Kisha

On July 30 I had a ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy. Yesterday I went back for the complete exam and another ultrasound to check the baby’s measurements.

I was 8 weeks and measurements were accurate but there was no heart beat.

I have two children and I had already shared with them the news. They were so hurt when I told them about the doctor visit.

I had an ectopic pregnancy in November 2012 so now I am wondering about my body. I don’t know if my body is not in shape to have more kids or what. I also wonder what my husband feels about me or if he blames me. He is really not himself right now. I have my D&C this Monday 8/12 and I just want to feel normal again.

I wish I had an answer to this but I don’t. I’m angry and sad, and hurt. I am not sure I want to try again. This is a pain I don’t want to feel again or want anyone else to feel. But the sad thing is it happens to families every day and there is no explanation why. Not knowing why makes it harder to accept for me.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.

— J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

If a physician of high standing, and one’s own husband, assures friends and relatives that there is really nothing the matter with one but temporary nervous depression—the very worst thing I can do is to think about my condition—what is one to do? . . .
Personally, I disagree with their ideas . . .

— Charlotte, The Yellow Wallpaper

What a beautiful mess she left behind.

— Franchesca Cox

Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?

— Jesus

Zeroes count.

— stillbirthday

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