His Family of Strong Men

Told by: Stacey

I was thrilled to have made it past the 8 week mark where I had had my 3 miscarriages. Although the thrill and excitement was all too suddenly cut short. At 17 weeks 3 days I woke early in the morning and got out of bed and my waters had gone. We went straight to the hospital where it was confirmed and I was put on antibiotics and sent home and told to go back if I developed any signs of infection or anything else.

Well I got home and went to bed, that evening I woke with a very high temperature so went back to the hospital and was put on IV antibiotics. That evening they couldn’t find our little angel’s heartbeat, this was confirmed the following morning on ultrasound.

I went into labour naturally and delivered our perfect sweet little angel Ayrton Michael. We spent several hours with him cuddling him, talking to him and taking photos.

The following morning we saw him for the final time before he was taken down to the mortuary to await collection to take to the funeral directors. My dad was one of my heroes through all this, he came down the day after I gave birth and stayed with me and my fiancé in the hospital over night then the following morning he drove the 150 miles back home with Ayrton in the back of the car.

My dad helped us arrange the funeral and everything, I couldn’t think straight to do simple tasks never mind arrange my baby’s funeral. We had a beautiful service at the graveside for Ayrton and he was buried in the same cemetery as some of our family members are.

My fiancé was my rock through all of this and still continues to be, even 16 months after we lost our precious angel I still have bad days.

But now we have our rainbow, my little miracle to keep us going and thinking positive. The pregnancy with Isaac wasn’t easy I was terrified and involved many scared trips to the hospital which all thankfully were false alarms but finally he arrived safely 2 weeks early. I love you so much Ayrton and we’ll never forget you. In loving memory of our precious boy Ayrton Michael born sleeping 12/04/12.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

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