Michael Matters

Told by: Shanelle

I lost my 15 week old fetus on February 2nd 2013. The entire pregnancy was very rough on me. I got pregnant 3 months after I had my son via C-Section so I already knew that it may be a touch and go pregnancy.

I started spotting about week 9 and went to the ER and saw that the baby was just fine. They told me that the bleeding was due to my uterus. I was told to be on bed rest but with 2 kids(4 months and 6) that was next to impossible.

I continued to spot here and there and on February 2nd, I woke up feeling off.

I laid down on the couch after talking to my boyfriend. He was out of town and couldn’t be with me. I got up and pored blood. I had to call 911 and I was so scared. At the ER they did an ultrasound and saw that the baby was doing great. They were going to let me go home but I told them I was having pain as well as still bleeding. They moved me to a medical/surgical recovery room and left me there.

I knew I was in labor.

I begged and pleaded with the nurses to give me something to stop my labor but they told me they couldn’t. I went through this all alone because my boyfriend was gone and my mom had to watch my kids. I had the baby at 11pm and they just left him there in between my legs. I looked at this perfect baby and felt so much love and so much sadness at the same time.

The doctor cam in right after and had to take me very quickly to the operating room to do a D&C to stop the hemorrhaging. I got out of the OR and felt so empty. My boyfriend came right after and we just held each other. We named the baby MICHAEL and we wanted to take him home.

The hospital would not give the baby to us because he was not 24 week gestation. We got a funeral home to pick up our baby and we had our little boy cremated. I made him a little place in my room and he is there till this day. This experience was one of the worst in my life and I still think about my lil baby boy every day.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
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Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.

— Paulo Coelho

Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy.

— John Calvin
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