Oct. 31, 2011 – Dec. 19th, 2011

My husband, David and I, had been married for almost 4 years, since October 19th, 2007 during this time. We had been trying to conceive  since 2008.

We had a twin miscarriage on December 17th, 2008 after praying for twins.

We miscarried the first one around 3-4 weeks and the 2nd one at 8 weeks gestation. I opted not to have a D&C and allow my body to process naturally and my body did exactly 2 weeks from the last ultrasound. I went through a lot of grief between the doctors not wanting me to miscarry naturally and then with the pathologist personnel when I went to pick up my twins remains.

We then waited about 2 years to TTC again, I went through a terrible bout of depression of not wanting to let go of my babies. I finally had a breakthrough and we finalized the funeral services. I found that once we did the services and I was able to let go through the physical that I was mentally able to move forward with life.

By the end of 2010 I was able to start thinking about TTC again. We started TTC in January and became frustrated with negative tests and charting month after month. In May of 2011 we went to a Church Conference in Chicago, Illinois. On the first night of the conference, while I was praying and speaking to the LORD during the service, I said to the LORD, if I was pregnant to please have that preacher come over to me and tell me that I’m expecting because Lord I am sooo tired of negative after negative testing, and I need to know right now. Well the preacher came over to me while my eyes were closed and put his hands on my shoulder, and at that moment I was stunned and knew what he was going to say. He said You have been praying for a miracle and GOD is going to bless you!

Right then and there I jumped for joy and screamed my heart out and told my husband we are pregnant! The next day we ran to Dollar General and bought a pregnancy test and it surely came out positive!   While in Chicago, I also got the opportunity to meet one of my long time  Doula friends from facebook, Tricia F. I was ecstatic!  I told her what happened and she was excited with us! She even was sweet enough to bring me to the pregnancy clinic to get the test in writing. She also took us around Chicago to Trader Joe’s and also Cutie Poops and Bottoms! We had a blast with her and her fabulous family!

When we got back home from Chicago we started picking out hospitals and started going to appointments. The dating tests from the hospitals didn’t line up with our gestation dates from the start and that was even with charting, so we were stressed. There was at least 5-8 weeks in discretion. He measured small from the start.

Finally about 22 weeks were told he had marginal cord insertion and that was the reason why he was so measuring small. I researched and contacted a trusted friend of mine on FB that is very knowledgeable who basically told me it was nothing to worry about other than the baby will be small because of the position of the cord on the placenta. I usually have small babies anyway so I wasn’t too worried about having a small baby.

Well I ended up going into labor at around 32 weeks. After 3 days of labor and praying that he not be born on Oct. 31st, 2013, Our LiL Prince David was born on that day at 10:04pm barely 2 hours shy of midnight!

He was born crying and pink. He was soo cute and very strong. I still can’t believe he passed away.  It boggles my mind beccause he had a 9 on his apgar score. They couldn’t get in to his nose because he was soo tiny but his lungs were strong enough for him to blow out his own mucus.

That was the first and the last time we heard him cry!

He lived for exactly 7 weeks and he fought to live the entire time. We fought for him, trying to get doctors to give him my breastmilk and for them to use other drugs and other methods but all of our desires, ideas, and thoughts were thrown out of the window. I never felt sooo incapacitated in my whole life. I could not do anything for my child. I felt as if I had failed him. The doctors would not listen to us and it just seemed as if he was being killed slowly right before our very eyes. All of our dreams for our precious baby boy were being thrown out of the window.

I didn’t know what else to do. We prayed, sought counsel, tried to find a patient advocate, tried to get him transferred to another hospital but nothing. I kept envisioning myself within a shack in the midst of a terrible rain and thunderstorm with lots of lightening going around and strong gusts of wind. I knew I was safe as long as I stayed within the shack but I kept looking out the window at the storm and wondering when it would ever be over. I kept feeling the desire to be in both places in the storm; with my son or to stay inside out of the way of the storm and just watch my son from the window.  It was such a battle for me. I kept praying because I wanted my son no matter what.

He ended up having kidney failure and swelling up like a balloon.  He got soo big in the end he looked like he was going to burst.  I was scared for what he was feeling my poor lil helpless guy.  I was soo tormented watching him go through this and just kept asking GOD why LORD, he is a baby, my baby! I put my hands under him since I could not carry him, one under his head and the other under his bottom (we never got to carry him until he passed away) and said:

I kissed him and hugged him, that was the last day I saw his eyes open. He swelled even more until his eyes were swollen closed shut and he passed away 3 days later. The last night he lived me and my hubby sang to him consistently all night long, praising GOD all night long. His stats were the highest they had been in a while he seemed peaceful as long as my hubby sang to him.

When he passed later that day we had just stepped out of the room to go get something to eat but we never made it past the lounge area and got called back to the room. When we got there he was gone and the machines were off. I finally got to hold my lil angel, not the way I wanted to. He fought the good long fight and he was in Heaven with Our LORD and Savior!  At least we know we will see him again some day very soon!

Atleast we know we will see him again some day very soon! In the meantime I will continue to tell his story and help others through the ministry that was birthed through him, With These Hands Ministries and our FaceBook page.