The Thought of the Treat

Last year we shared about a mother attaching a little paper note to her candies as a message to reach other mothers at Halloween.

Halloween is in October, still Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and instead of being a day that seems to be absent of this awareness, there are ways that we can still bring awareness into the festivities.

Consider the meaning of the candies you choose for your neighborhood trick-or-treaters, and you can bring intention to your gift, without even having to explain it. It can be just a quiet little way that you stand at the threshold of remembering while still engaging in festivities that otherwise could be more challenging to you.

Or, after Halloween is over, could any of these candies you find from others, possibly, be a tiny gift holding a message of encouragement to you?

Here’s a few ideas:

Kisses – sending kisses to your baby

Hugs – embracing childhood joy

Baby Ruth – baby

Dove chocolates – symbol of dove

Galaxy, Sky bar, Milky Way – the distance of your love

Life Savers – because more awareness can also mean more prevention & because you would if you could

Almond Joy, Snickers or Hershey’s Bliss – happiness and laughter can still be attainable even in darkness and grief

Skittles – rainbow

dark, extra dark chocolate – this journey can be dark but we can discover sweetness

pure dark, special dark – describe your baby as pure and special

Princessa – to describe your baby

SweetTarts, or other “bittersweet” candy – marking the mix of feelings of your journey

Sugar Daddy – perhaps to honor your spouse

U-NO bar – you know your intention, even if it’s subtle

York, or anything peppermint – to remind you of snow, perhaps the magic of snowflakes

Zero bar – zeroes count, a pregnancy loss is still a birthday

Taffy – this journey can be messy

Suckers – something to hold onto

Gummy – our feelings can gnaw

Jawbreakers, Rock candy – this journey can be hard

Gum – breathing, stretching, growing

M&Ms – maybe “mothering my mourning” as in, this journey is a difficult one, but I am learning to give my grief both the permission and discipline that it needs

So, what about you? Do you have a candy to add to the list?

This list in no way endorses a certain candy or company brand; it’s just intended to allow us to get creative and encourage us that we can find special ways to participate in Halloween if we choose to.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

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