Confusion in Grief

Told by: Leah

Just thought to share my story of my miscarriage of a blighted ovum. This confused me for quite awhile after as was not sure how to react. One minute thinking I may be pregnant then miscarriage. My daughter was about 3 and a half at the time and though not planned was a lovely surprise. I was a few weeks along when I miscarried. This was traumatic as I went to my local doctors and saw a very young doctor who was not sure how to react himself.

I then went on to have three internal examinations as I went to three hospitals (though still not sure quite why).

Having an internal was not very pleasant with a doppler as being distressed and very confused. The staff were all very nice of course.

April 16 is the day I remember. My partner was probably confused at the time and not terribly supportive. Being told it was very common did not help either, plus my recent visit to the dentist I felt I had somehow caused it with the treatment I had. Still fuzzy on when I told the dental nurse that I may be pregnant but the look on her face I do remember. I remember thinking it was not a real baby yet so it’s not so bad..

Which sounds terrible to me, but an easier way to deal with it. Recently on TV there was a program on miscarriage; I told my children then (16 and 12) My son asked the most questions. which I answered as best as I could.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

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