{Take a peek at what we are doing for the 2013 Remembrance}
A carefully handwritten list of nearly 400 babies, a scarf, and my “rainbow” baby (who isn’t my rainbow) came along with me to stillbirthday’s first ever balloon release.
I arrived, gasping, more nervous than ever before – the sight of other cars – oh, dear Lord, I really am not alone.
Kevo the Klown blew funny balloons for the kiddos, Carol the balloon lady worked hard putting lights into and blowing up 100 balloons, while the rest of us met and mingled.
A news reporter arrived.
I worked through my total overwhelm as I tried to send the simple message into the camera
“if you are out there, and if you have endured loss, you are not alone.”
One stillbirthday mother was presented with a very honoring gift from her husband. She had endured a miscarriage alone, before marrying him. He told her, “You’ve endured the lonliness of this experience for far too long.” He then presented her with a certificate of spiritual adoption, in which he commited to carrying forth the legacy of her child as his own.
Then, we gathered in a circle, and it was time. Time to speak our children’s names, time to voice our realities, time to honor and remember.
Jesus wept.
It’s the shortest verse in the Bible, but I want to look at the setting in which, Jesus wept.
Lazarus, His friend, had died.
Lazarus, Mary and Martha were all siblings, and each were friends with Jesus. And yet, when Lazarus died, Jesus wasn’t there. In fact, scripture tells us that Jesus the person didn’t show up until several days later (this was to ensure the indesputible miracle which was to take place).
When Martha saw Him in the distance, she ran to Him.
She ran to Him, and she cried, “Where have You been?”
“If You had been here, this wouldn’t have happened!”
Haven’t we felt that way?
Mary ran to Him.
“Jesus – can’t You? Can’t You – bring him back?”
Jesus wept.
I want to challenge you, to consider that Jesus saw His friend, in the only place that is safe. The only place that is all love. And as He called Lazarus back from that place, through the veil of tears, back into our world of darkness, confusion and sadness, Jesus wept.
Our life is hard. Jesus knows, our work is hard.
I’ve recieved many platitudes and cliches through my experience. Things like
“Now you have your own personal guardian angel.”
As if he’s sitting on my shoulder now, somehow sprinkling good luck throughout my day.
As if his life isn’t valuable enough.
No, his work is done.
He is in the only place that is safe. The only place that is all love.
I am the one still here. I am the one still with work to do.
And, Jesus knows, this life is hard. This work is hard.
When God called the three men from the firey furnace, do you know? They didn’t even smell of smoke.
But when Jesus called Lazarus from the grave, scripture tells us, he probably stunk.
Wearing his burial cloths, he stepped out of his dark, cold, lonely tomb. And he stunk.
Jesus then instructed those around Lazarus to help remove his burial cloths.
Maybe you feel as though a piece of you died, right along with your child?
Jesus brought Lazarus out of his dark place, but He instructed those around him to remove the burial cloths.
We are still here. We still have work to do.
And, Jesus knows, our work is hard.
Using a scarf as a representation of that burial cloth, we each wrapped it around our neck. We wore this cloth, and then spoke our truth. Spoke what we’ve endured. Spoke who we represent. Spoke who we remember.
Spoke of the darkest of places we’ve been.
Then, the person next to us, entered into our story. Entered into our life.
Saw our tears.
Touched us.
Removed the burial cloth.
Validated.
Honored.
Then, wrapped it around their own neck, and told their own story.
After we each took our turn, it was time to let our light shine.
Of course, it’s hard to see in the photos, but each balloon had a lightbulb inside, glowing.
As long as we are still here, we still have this work to do.
We still have to find our little light, and let it rise above, to be a beacon of hope and healing to others who are in that darkest, coldest, loneliest place.
It’s hard work. Jesus knows, it’s hard work.
But we are validated.
Jesus wept.
You aren’t alone.
Have you felt as though a piece of you died, right along with your child?
Come, step forward. Let us here at stillbirthday help you remove your burial cloth.
Because, if you are here, you still have work to do, too.
The stillbirthday families who attended, helped to honor nearly 400 more families who couldn’t attend. This is from the handwritten list I brought with me:
Christian Gaskin
Baby Townsend
Mary Beth
Aquila
Baby Miller
Baby Stolc
Shahzad
Bujji
Eric
Tia
Christopher
Orion
C.M.
Clayton
Sophie
Julia
Hope
Skywalker
Baby Sims
Elijah
Nathan John
Baby Hall #2
Baby Hall #3
Baby Hall #4
Baby JC
Joy Comes
Maxwell aunt/uncle
Maxwell friend
Noelle
Gabriel
Lily Katherine
Luke Shiloh
Presley Brooklyn
Casper David
Logan Graham
Kamryn Olivia
Dejuva Bearlys
Baby Forbes #1
Baby Forbes #2
Aria
Alana Grace
Kelly Marie
Tristan Alexander
Ava Juliette
Ayden Simon
Lyla Annilie
Samantha Lynn
Everett John
Ethan James
Kelli’s Baby #1
Kelli’s Baby #2
Kelli’s Baby #3
Kelli’s Baby #4
Kelli’s Baby #5
Lucas Henry
William Joseph
Emily’s Baby
Madilynn Isabell
Landon Michael
Audriana Hope
Noah Bradlee
Angel Demers
Emma Grace
Brylee Catherine
Bryce Thomas
Keiran William
Cheyenne Elizabeth
Avery Morgan
Holden Keppel
Finley Jay
Angelica G.
Jonathon M.
Charlie B.
Serenity B.
Peanut B.
Aiden Joshua
Emily Rose – friends, family
Marcos Morales
Baby Angel
Preston Arthur
Erum Brown – Larson
Jade Marie
Hazel Grace
Laylah Ariela
Madison Lucianna
Ayden
Myles
Charlie
Andy
AJ
Baby Culbertson #1
Baby Culbertson #2
Brody Max
Gabriella Lynn
Angelita Kaylee
Alexander Michael
Silas Benjamin
Gabriel David
Xzaren
Xzaylin
J
Morgyn Marie
Prestyn Alan
Andrew Muirhead Orr, III
Kai Sarah Christine
Kylea Kae
Lia Joy
Teresia’s Baby #1
Teresia’s Baby #2
Teresia’s Baby #3
Michael Robert
Carlos Ademer Ponce Jr.
Peyton Leonard
Lacy Belle
Sadie Mae
Grace Victoria
Levi Joel
Uriah Dalton
Emalynn Angel
Briana Lynn
Sweet Pea
Laura Elizabeth
Charlie
Gunner Troy
Peyton Rockwell
Silas Max
Nicolette Suzanne
Jonas P.
Kylee Nicole
Dylan R.
Andrew
Anna Elizabeth
Stella B.
Baby Cook
Ian Daniel
Baby Avelar #1
Baby Avelar #2
Willow
Ruby
Darla Elena
Ophelia Rose
Cora Edith – Grace
Baby Boy Nichols
Georgia Kairi
Baby Sanchez #1
Baby Sanchez #2
Baby Sanchez #3
Baby Sanchez #4
Baby Sanchez #5
Baby Sanchez #6
Baby Martin #1
Baby Martin #2
Celina Jade
Baby Jones #1
Baby Jones #2
Baby Jones #3
Baby McCormick
Jaemi
Baby Daly
Baby Daly
Andrew
Kai
Baby Hiltz
Addison Lucille
Baby Bice
Heather Rose
Muchow Boy #1
Muchow Boy #2
Muchow Boy #3
Jessica Shafer
Robert Edward
Baby Tad
Dominic
Nash Austin
Baby Hale #1
Baby Hale #2
Baby Hale #3
Saniya Jazmine
Mabel Joy
Isaiah Michael
Hannah Hope
Marcus Levi
Emily Elizabeth
Baby Boy Owens
Baby Owens
Jaxon M.
Colin M.
Courtney M.
Baby Bishop
Baby Arnold
Moses Williams
Azriel Aiden
Lewis Duryea
Wyatt Paul
Baby Hall #1
Baby Hall #2
Charity
Will
Baby Weiss #1
Baby Weiss #2
Sophie Faith
Alexander Michael
Samantha Marie
Jacob Ryan
Bentley Ryan
Aubree Lee
Zoe Elizabeth
Addie Kate
Finley
Poppet
Baby Manke
Joy
Jason
Hope H.
Joseph H.
Leah H.
Hope G.
Noah
Jack
Patrick Wells
Baby Amack
Sam Joseph
Joshie
Lainey Grace
Evelyn Juliet
Catelyn
Baby McMullen #1
Baby McMullen #2
Baby McMullan #3
Baby McMullen #4
Baby McMullen #5
Jesse Flores
Baby Carlos
Baby Hartman
Harper
Evan Christopher
Baby Stephan – Quinlan
Mary Grace
Baby Stevens #1
Baby Stevens #2
Baby Stevens #3
Harper Kathleen
Calan
Anduril
Alexandra Butler
Baby Mitchell
Emily
Xander
Baby Garoffolo #1
Baby Garoffolo #2
Baby Garoffolo #3
Baby Garoffolo #4
Baby Garoffolo #5
Baby Leppo #1
Baby Leppo #2
Baby Leppo #3
Baby Bee
Baby Walther
Britton Reiley
Baby Harris #1
Baby Harris #2
Baby Harris #3
Baby Harris #6
Baby Thomas #1
Baby Thomas #2
Baby Thomas #3
Aleah J.
Sousuke
Caitlin Marie
Keaton Alexander
Baby Jaxon
Baby Williams #1
Baby Williams #2
Zyon Alay
Abdul
Maxwell Isaiah
Malichai Issacc
Grace
Mini Cooper #1
Mini Cooper #2
Mini Cooper #3
Mini Cooper #4
Mini Cooper #5
Daniel Ray
Baby Bruffett
Lisa Irwin
Fowler friend
Sydney
Tristan
Riley
Autumn Humphrey
Zadon William
Andrea Robyn
Billy James
Baby Bean
Baby Pebble
Babb Twin A
Babb Twin B
Daniel Ray Morrow Jr.
Baby Bruffett
Jack Raymond
Sean Connor
Pruitt Siblings
Baby Charlie
Baby Krocker #1
Baby Krocker #2
Baby Krocker #3
Luna Gefion
Gideon Y.
Deborah Y.
Iaasac Y.
Naomi Y.
Jeremiah Y.
Hope Y.
Caleb Y.
Joseph Y.
Gabriel Y.
Iasaiah Y.
Baby Belcher
Baby Matsumoto
Baby Himes
Little One
Baby Mickells
Jacob Matthew
Baby Oransky #1
Baby Oransky #2
Baby Oransky #3
Baby Oransky #4
Baby Oransky #5
Baby Oransky #6
Jeremiah Lee
Lucas Charles
Nathaniel Sierra
Catherine Agnes
Patricia Marie
Taya
Heaven Leigh
Baby B
Baby C
Baby Valentine
Baby Michael #1
Baby Michael #2
Aria
Baby Harshe
Baby Guggie
Baby Guggie
Baby Eoff #1
Baby Eoff #2
Baby Eoff #3
Shelomith
Kelso friend
Y’hoshua Samuel
Kaden Friedly
Mikel Wayne
Eldon
Kaleigh
Dallas Edwin
Cooper David
Sydney Alexis
Jenna
Baby McConnell
Baby MaGee
Jesslyn Nicole Paige
Baby BeShears
Elizabeth Ashley Anne
William Gaines
Jaydyn Kellen
Hope Marie
Jordan
Shiloh
Jacob
Baby Grote #2
Baby Carter
Victoria
Baby Larson
Baby Casteneda
Braedon
McKenzie
Cameron
Kyler
Jackson
Baby Gordon
Amanda Renae
TBA Jenkins
Twinkie Jenkins
Zane Alexander
Jocelyn Lynn
Nellia
Baby Rocha
Lindley grandchildren
Baby Vazquez
Joshua Michael
Baby Whitten
Vanessa Jade
Nesiah
Christian
Elijah
Jacob
Zoe
Zoen
Josiah
Lily
Zoey Ryane
Alister
Baby Kline
Michael “Mikey”
Zoey Charlene
Baby Ross
Devin Michael
Wanda Christine
Elijah Kent
Baby Young #1
Baby Young #2
Baby Young #3
Baby Cannell
Baby Myers
Barbara Ann
Cooperrider Baby #1
Cooperrider Twin A
Cooperrider Twin B
Presley Lyn
Bump
Kip
Jack Davis
Alister Pierce
Baby Tavi
Baby Joyce
Baby Sue
Jordan R.
Gabrielle R.
Barnabus
Kevo the Klown Baby #1
Kevo the Klown Baby #2
Kevo the Klown Baby #3
