Bullying the Bereaved

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As if grief isn’t hard enough, a great many bereaved mothers endure platitudes and comments from loved ones that are intended to bring love but instead bring compounded pain.

And, there are bereaved mothers who endure words, actions and behaviors that are not at all intended to bring love but are designed to inflict additional wounds and create even more pain.

There are, additionally, many many mothers who began as victims in their bereavement experience, and who then became perpetrators, bringing pain onto others in an effort to release their inner turmoil.

Consider these examples.  Have you ever:

  • heard about someone lying about their babyloss experience, and wondered why they’d do that?
  • heard of anyone telling a mother that her baby’s death was preventable?
  • heard of anyone telling a mother that she doesn’t deserve to find good or be good through her experience?
  • heard of anyone trying to censor photos of deceased babies?
  • heard of a mother feeling offended because of that censorship?
  • heard of someone lying about another bereaved mother?
  • seen any of these things take place in real life, or online?

Stillbirthday holds a strict policy on sharing.  When you share here, you are allowed the freedom to express your beliefs and your own interpretation of the events that you experienced.  I moderate all comments and only approve those that validate you and have the potential for healing.

What happens, though, when someone shares their experience on facebook?  When someone uses a blog to make up lies about a bereaved mother?  When someone solicits the stories or photos from bereaved mothers and who does so recklessly, disrespectfully or with alterior motives?

What happens when a bereaved mother is left frantically trying to protect what little she can of her deceased child, to give her child’s legacy the honor and integrity it deserves?

What happens when someone tells her that her experience is worthless, that she deserves her grief, that her child deserved to die, that she does not deserve to make any good come from her experience?

As if bereavement isn’t hard enough, many mothers are faced with these challenges.

If you are a mother facing any of these things, I am so deeply sorry.  I can’t take these hurts away, and I can’t stop people from bullying, and stillbirthday can’t even help them change if they don’t want to.  I know it hurts.  I know it hurts deeply.  I too have been bullied in my bereavement, and the feeling is…..it’s devastating.

If you have bullied the bereaved, you can stop.  You can change.  You don’t have to be bound by that.  You can break free.  I have seen it happen.

If you have ever been bullied, you can find the validation in knowing you aren’t alone.

Whether you have ever been the bully, or the bullied, you can find healing.

An Invitation to Change

If you’d like to share your experience with being bullied, you can send your story to stillbirthday.  I incorporate many aspects of proper bereavement care into my workshops, particularly the community workshops, which help local communities have a better understanding on how to support bereaved mothers and families.  This includes expert understanding on the psychology of bullying, and your story could help to shed more light on how communities can rally to support their newest bereaved families.

All identifying information in stories are altered to uphold confidentiality, as is our policy to protect bereaved mothers here at stillbirthday.

Please email at iamloved@stillbirthday.com

You aren’t alone, and you can find healing.

When you use the email, you will receive an automated email reply with potentially helpful resources.  Just as in any other way you share your experiences with stillbirthday, your message is sent privately, directly and confidentially to the site creator.  This opportunity does not provide any legal counsel but is merely a way to break the silence of these issues so that more mothers can be properly supported and so that more communities can know of the issues surrounding bullying the bereaved.

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  1. Justine says:

    Sadly, I’ve actually been a victim of bullying from another bereaved mother. I don’t even know what kind of lies were being spread about me, but it was enough for this person to attack me online and call me a disgrace to all bereaved mothers, among other things. I suspect she’s also been passing these lies onto another angel mom who I genuinely considered a friend, because she hasn’t spoken to me in months either 🙁


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