Shared by: Charlotte

My baby is Jayden.  My twin sister was carrying him for me.

We had been trying for a baby for so long and when my twin sister became pregnant she told me she didn’t want the baby.  I desperately wanted one, so we had decided it was going to be carried in her,and I was going to bring him up as my own.

I tried to make my twin sister stay with me while she was pregnant with my Jayden as I was afraid her life wasn’t going well.   She had all she needed but I am still sure she didn’t look after Jayden while in her womb. I got the phone call that she had gone into labor.  I was nervous.  I was very on edge.   All she said was  that the ambulance had come for her. I rang her again very soon after we had last spoken, and the next words she said broke my heart.  My whole world collapsed when she said “the baby is dead”.

I screamed and screamed and shivered and it felt like the world stood still.

My Jayden, my beautiful Jayden.  I just wanted to see him, to hear him cry, to hold him tight.  I would have given him an amazing life.

I saw him and held him.  I didn’t want them to take him.  They layed him next to me.  I kissed his nose – it was still warm.  I kissed his cheek so softly.  His skin was so soft.

When I got to the hospital my twin who was the birth mother wanted to just leave.   She didn’t seem like she had any feelings at that time.  I now know she was using drugs while pregnant with my baby.   This is why my baby died, it was because of her neglect and drug use that my beautiful baby died.  We didn’t know she was pregnant until she was 3 months along.  She wouldn’t have an abortion.   She said she was doing well and hadn’t used any drugs for a while and was clean.  The pregnancy was traumatic to say the least.  I tried to keep her at my home and love her and Jayden but she would keep running away.  I tried will all my strength to get her to keep him safe inside her but other than locking her up what more could I do?

I keep feeling so angry toward her but it isn’t going to bring back Jayden so I keep praying to God for her, myself and my husband.   My husband and I dedicated Jayden to God, this all happened last night I am still in shock but I pray that I can find a way through this pain.

xxx Jayden xxx too good for this world x