Tiny Person Filling Hearts

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Told by: Lauren

I found out on the 10/11/2012 that I was pregnant, 7 months after a missed miscarriage.

Since I hadn’t found out about the loss of my baby until my dating scan I was constantly worried this would be the case this time round too. I didn’t allow myself to get excited, not until I could see a happy healthy baby on the ultrasound screen, which on Wednesday 2nd January 2013 we did.

Measuring 11 weeks and looking perfectly fine. We found out the baby was due on my birthday!  On the 24th of July, my partner and I left happy excited parents.

I had a relatively good pregnancy until about 19 ½ weeks when I started to get some pelvis discomfort and pressure but with the reassurance of the doctor that it was just stretching pain I was on my way. On the 6th march 2013 we went to our 20 week scan which again showed a beautiful healthy baby, we decided to keep the gender a secret to give us that something extra to look forward to.

I went about my daily activities such as college and socialising, on the morning off Friday 22nd March 2013 I had felt my baby act more lively but didn’t mind as it meant his dad could have a proper feel of the baby kicking, my partner left for work and I went about getting ready for college.

I started to get some abdominal pains but thought it may have been Braxton hicks, it’s not until I had gotten to college and my tutor noticed the signs she demanded that I go straight to hospital to be seen. So off I went thinking nothing of it, at the hospital I explained my pains and was taken into a room. Babies heartbeat was fine, the midwife said ‘the worst case scenario is you could be in labor, if this is the case the baby has no hope’ just after saying this she decided to check my cervix, after having a look she turned to me and said I need to go and get someone it seems your waters are bulging and you are 2-3cm dilated.

In a frenzy of panic I grabbed the phone and called my partner who was with me within 15 minutes, a consultant came in and agreed that this was the case. He said that they would help my baby if it came out showing active signs of life like movement and sounds, they said that the neonatal team would be on standby if this was the case to help support our baby however in the mean time I was told by the consultant that there was little they could do and I was to be put on strict bed rest in the hospital to hopefully give the baby enough time to mature and to prevent my waters from breaking under pressure of me moving. I was given an injection of steroids to help with the baby’s lungs and sent up to the argyle ward full of mothers who have had their babies and are waiting to be sent home. Once In the ward I had gotten one of the nurses to let my auntie know I was in as she was the head midwife of the delivery suite. I spent 3 nights glued to my bed unless I needed the toilet; I refused to shower in case this brought on labor from standing too long.

Each day I was experiencing irregular contractions but hoped it would calm down, on Monday the 25th march 2013 during my stats check-up my waters broke and my plug had come away, I was taken down to the delivery suite as there was high chance I would deliver within the next 24 hours.

My auntie made sure that my partner and I were comfortable and answered all of my worries. My partner throughout had held onto hope praying the baby would come out showing active signs of life, it’s not until a neonatal consultant came in and said ‘ I need to be blunt with you, you have been given a false expectation of what is going to happen. The neonatal team will not be there during the delivery and will not help your baby once it’s here, you will understand when you see your baby’.

I couldn’t find the words to reply, everything we had held onto was shattered we were going to have a baby that was going to die. By Tuesday 26th march 2013 at 3am I began to have regular contractions but when it had reached 6am they had stopped, at 9am the consultant came in with bad news. Where my waters had gone I had contracted a womb infection and needed to be induced as my health was at risk.

My auntie came in and told me she would be attaching the drip, I said I will go toilet first and be back but on the way back from the toilet I got some heavy pressure and after my auntie having a look my baby had stuck a foot out and was surely on the way. The drip was attached to get things sped up, two legs were out and thrashing out I could feel it kicking away which was so hard because it had active signs of life!

However when it got to the head my contractions completely stopped and the bed needed to be lowered and I needed to push regardless of contractions. Eventually at 10.13am at 22+6 on the 26th march 2013 at which is also my dad’s birthday I pushed my beautiful little boy into the world he was delivered by my auntie, he laid still but alive.

He lived for an amazing two hours unsupported until he passed away in my mums arms.

My auntie helped make memories for our little boy who we named Finley Davies. We did the normal weighing and measuring along with ink prints, we took hundreds of pictures. The staff treated him just like a living child with respect and dignity, we were offered tiny clothes for him and he was put in a moses basket sat next to our bed.

We had the Chaplain name and bless Finley through a little service held in my delivery room.  We had as many visitors as we wanted to come up and meet Finley. Because of my womb infection I was required to stay for 24 hours to receive treatment but we didn’t mind as this was more time we had with our son. Throughout the night I sang songs and spoke to him, but couldn’t hide the tears when all I could hear around me was crying babies and joyful mothers.

On Wednesday 27th march 2013 my partner and I said goodbye to our son and left that hospital childless, after leaving Finley was looked after by my auntie. We had a long road ahead of us registering his birth and death and arranging his funeral, he had a beautiful send off. I show Finley’s picture off with pride and always speak his name and story; I am so proud of him and love him so much my heart aches. For such a tiny person, he sure did fill a lot of peoples hearts.

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