Told by: Jess
I never thought I would be where I am in my life. I have a beautiful 11 1/2 year old daughter who I delivered at 32 weeks. She came after going into labor at 4 months from an incompetent cervix. I was 24 years old and had been married to her father for 3 years. They did not think I would make it to deliver her and offered an abortion. I knew she was mine and meant to be. So I fought. She is perfect. When I was 17 I lost a little girl at 6 months 2 weeks. Also before my daughter came I had had several miscarriages. I was overwhelmed with joy with the delivery of my beautiful daughter.
When I was 28 I became pregnant with my daughter Genevieve. I had a cerclage at 12 weeks. I was in a horrible roll over car accident when I was 4 months pregnant. I walked away without a scratch but when I delivered her still born at 38 1/2 weeks I knew the umbilical cord injury was most likely caused from the accident. I was devastated.
My marriage fell apart. He thought I should snap out of it after 5 days. It’s a pain that never goes away. We divorced.
Four years ago I met the man of my dreams. He healed me and gave me permission to grieve and subsequently heal. Two years into our relationship I found out he had AIDS. I almost lost him. That’s an entire story in itself. He is now doing well and as healthy as can be expected after almost dying.
Our dreams were crushed. We were in love and knew children were most likely never in our cards. Well God had different plans. I thought I was depressed or maybe had mono – we always use protection. But nothing is for sure. I became pregnant last September. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was scared, thrilled, sad, and many other things. I had the most high risk pregnancy ever. Got my cerclage, went on massive preventative anti viral medications and found out my daughter most likely had vacterl association as she has a heart defect and a spinal defect.
To make a very long and scary story short, she has no HIV, no vacterl and her heart defect closed up.
I felt like a failure when I delivered her with a emergency c-cection after 48 hours of hard natural labor.
But I am not a failure. She is my beautiful Snow. Born at 37 weeks she is perfect in every way. Sent from our higher power for us to raise and love.
I see my daughter Genevieve in her. She is ours. Proof that you can have life after loss. I’ve lost so much in my life. But I have been truly blessed with just as much. Nothing is impossible. The pain from losing a child never ever goes away. But time does blunt the blow a bit. At 35 years old I never thought I would be holding a beautiful 5 week old daughter. But I am. This is just part of my story. I am strong. I am a mother.
