Why Can’t We Know Why?

Told by: Kisha

On July 30 I had a ultrasound to confirm my pregnancy. Yesterday I went back for the complete exam and another ultrasound to check the baby’s measurements.

I was 8 weeks and measurements were accurate but there was no heart beat.

I have two children and I had already shared with them the news. They were so hurt when I told them about the doctor visit.

I had an ectopic pregnancy in November 2012 so now I am wondering about my body. I don’t know if my body is not in shape to have more kids or what. I also wonder what my husband feels about me or if he blames me. He is really not himself right now. I have my D&C this Monday 8/12 and I just want to feel normal again.

I wish I had an answer to this but I don’t. I’m angry and sad, and hurt. I am not sure I want to try again. This is a pain I don’t want to feel again or want anyone else to feel. But the sad thing is it happens to families every day and there is no explanation why. Not knowing why makes it harder to accept for me.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.

— Paulo Coelho

Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.

— Thich Nhat Hanh

You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy.

— John Calvin

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