We are in the month of October.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance month, as declared by President Ronald Reagan in 1988 – 25 years ago.

And October 15 is a specific day set aside as an international remembrance day for all babies who are not alive.

While there are vigils, balloon releases, lantern lightings and our own hearts release event, some individuals and families just aren’t ready to step out into the public wearing the intentional sleeve of remembrance.

And that’s OK.

I want to share with you, something that I often do as mothers honor me with the news that they are pregnant but not telling anyone else yet, or that they are somewhere in their pregnancy with a live baby and feeling particularly frightful or anxious, or that their labor is drawing near.

I fast.

For life.

Fasting is a spiritual experience of consecrating yourself, of devoting your time  and your attention to leaning in hard to God.

It is a special communion, just between you and God.  You don’t have to go out and proclaim anything, you don’t have to talk about it, you don’t have to tell anybody.  But, you should prepare for it.

If the idea of challenging yourself to grow spiritually and to speak to God about the burdens  of your heart, namely, pregnancy and infant loss, stirs something of intrigue, I hope that this little note can help guide you as you follow that tugging on your heart.

Perhaps it can be your way of honoring October 15 – or, it can be any day, or series of days, you want to set aside to be intentional with your burden for pregnancy and infant loss, and your longing to find healing, to feel life.

There are many ways to fast, many opportunities to fast, and through choosing both the duration of the fast and the items of the fast,  you can find safe ways of incorporating individual health challenges or needs.  The ways two individuals fast may not look exactly the same, although there are some foundational basics that most all fasting include.

There are generally two points involved:

• You are engaging in conversation with God.  This conversation includes your praising Him, authentically.  It includes your asking forgiveness for your own sins.  These two can be especially painful and difficult as you may have some real anger, confusion and distrust of God after loss.  I get it.  I promise, I do.  This is not about being thankful that your baby died.  No, no way, not at all.  It IS about searching for the legacy your baby left behind.  This conversation time also includes presenting your needs before Him.  And it includes listening.
• The second point actually comes first, and it involves clearing a space in your life, in your heart and in your mind, so that you can more clearly engage in conversation with God.  This is where fasting comes in.  Preparing for your time of fasting helps limit your temptation to break it (and you will be tempted).

For those who haven’t really had much exposure to spiritual principles such as fasting, I do want to note that fasting isn’t bribery with a higher being, and it’s not conditional and not exactly outcome oriented.  And while it might seem on the outset that fasting is a kind of “denying”, a taking away in your life, it really isn’t.  Instead it is a “making more room”.  Making room, to be so bold as to praise.  Making room, to find the courage to ask.  Making room, to dare to trust.

Making room, to be filled.

Really, filled.

For my own fast for life, I follow something close to the Daniel Fast.  Here is a helpful website for you to learn more about the menu involved (yes, there is a menu involved).

One more note to those who may not be very familiar with the concept.  If in your bereavement a festering to harm yourself has grown, perhaps food fasting won’t be for you.  There are plenty other things to fast from, and, there are plenty other ways to honor pregnancy and infant loss and the journey toward healing.

And, it’s so very important not just to roll through a series of steps, but to allow yourself to engage in the journey.  I am very intentional about the items I consume during this consecrated time:

Water

John 4:14 – But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
Ezekiel 36:25 – Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you.
John 7:38 – He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
Isaiah 49:10 – They shall not hunger nor thirst; neither shall the heat nor sun smite them: for he that hath mercy on them shall lead them, even by the springs of water shall he guide them.
Revelation 22:1 – And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.
Revelation 22:17 – And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.

 

Born in the caul, also called an Angel Birth.

And as I drink of my clear, clean cleansing water, I dwell on babies living in the waters of their mothers wombs.

Living Food

There is some debate about what foods are living, which the Bible seems to promote and which the Bible seems not to.  If you are considering a fast, again I say, that your journey is as unique as your relationship with God.  You can determine for yourself just what foods – or anything else, in fact! – that you might abstain from as you make room to be filled with more.

Whatever it is you are consuming – through digestion, through your attention, through your finances – whatever it is, the most important thing is the deliberate consuming to be filled.  Really filled.

Nourished by something that sustains you.

Fed by something you can live by.

Fueled with invigoration, health, renewal and life.

As I wait until darkness falls to eat nutritious food to my belly aching’s desire, I meditate on babies eating in the darkness of “the hidden place”, receiving everything they need to sustain them from the messages of love they receive from the one they are within.  Even with a grumbly belly at high noon, I know that I receive messages from the One I am within.  And that no matter what, that message of love will never, ever cease.  No matter what.

Breath

Job 33:4 –  The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

Genesis 2:7 –  Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

I spend a great deal of time slowing my breath, becoming attune to the patterns, the rhythm of rising and falling, ingesting the simple, silent, invisible life juice we all swim in.

And I keep breathing,

hoping,

aching,

daring,

fasting for life.