Told by: Lorraine

I am sharing our story so that it may help other mothers who have lost their baby and are deeply grieving their loss. It’s a memory that plays out in my mind like a terrible dream and I ask myself what can I have done to save my baby girl. I was at 37 weeks and scheduled for our routine check up with my doctor. I was so excited cause every mother I know often looks forward to seeing their little one move about on an ultrasound and often smile proudly at hearing how strong their little heart beats. But on this routine check up, there was no movement on the monitor or a heart beat heard.

My baby girl was very active and she had a strong heart…when nothing was indicated I already knew I lost my baby. My doctor excused herself from the room, as I laid there with my exposed belly…I turned my face towards my mother and said “The baby is gone, there is no heart beat.” Warm tears started to trickle down my face. I heard a loud muffled cry in the hallway and I soon realized it was my mother. The doctors had officially informed her.

I was still laying there looking out the window, then my doctors face came to view as she sat there talking to me and all I could do was stare in disbelief. The world seemed to stand still for me while the nurses and doctors around me moved about with a look of despair. My fiancé then came into the room and we were left alone. I felt my face pressed against his chest and felt his arms wrapped around me. I cried and there was nothing we can do. I felt helpless, my mind just could not fathom that the baby I was carrying and scheduled to be born in 3 weeks had died inside me. My hand touched my belly, she was still there inside and how I wished for her to move to awaken me from this horrible nightmare.

You would have expected that from this incident, nurses rushing around, or an ambulance taking me straight into an operating room to cut me open to save the baby. No.. not at all. Thats what happens in the movies. Reality is that, the doctors inform you that you can go home to rest for a couple of days and then go to Labour and Delivery. I was surprised at how calmly the situation was addressed. All I could think of was why, why wouldn’t you rush me to the operating room..why are we just sitting here?

After 26 hours, I delivered our stillborn baby. My cries cut through the thick silence in the room. I started crying harder and louder as they surrounded me and rushed about. I didn’t know what to expect, I was frightened and nervous to hold our child. Finally my fiancé, handed our baby girl to me. My cries came to a halt, my eyes adjusted and there she was so perfect and beautiful. Our daughter Aria Sharon Del Rosario was born sleeping.