Bereaved but Unbegrudged

Mothers day can draw out the resentment, the bitterness, the deeper side of sadness in bereavement.

“Happy” Mothers day seems shamefully inappropriate.

After all, I am mother to a dead baby.

Who really wants to go to church, to family reunions, to anywhere, to see the expanding bellies growing under glowing faces as pregnant mothers delight in the pondering of “Does this Mothers day count with me being pregnant, or is my first ‘official’ Mothers day next year, with my baby?”

But the truth is, one thousand seven hundred fifteen pregnant mothers will give birth today,

to their babies,

who aren’t alive.

1,715.

Every day.

Even Mothers day.

And that’s just in America.

1, 715 mothers who might find stillbirthday by tomorrow.

Whose Mothers day will forever be marked by despair, darkness and grief.

Let us not mark it further with hypocrisy or such painfully shortsighted standards.

In what moment will I cross over from resentment, jealousy and bitterness into open arms, softness and love?

Does her baby need to die before I can drop my own stuff?

Today, on Mothers day, I love all bereaved mothers, but I challenge all bereaved mothers too –

I challenge you to honor your journeys by giving permission, giving grace and giving love to the mothers who aren’t in our community today.

Let us give love across the chasm, stretch beyond the valley of death, to do something exquisitely painful and profoundly significant.

Let us give softness to the mothers who are full of splendor, wonder, and pregnancy today.

We can bring education, awareness, advocacy too –

but let us, may we, bring love, unbegrudgingly.

MOM logo final

 

Rate this post
0 0 votes
Article Rating
BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
«    14 of 16    »

She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
«    14 of 16    »


See Our Babies Birth Support Find an SBD Doula Include Your Beloved Babies' Names
BECOME A DOULA!

Enroll now in the Birth & Bereavement Doula® program!


We onboard enrolled students into the program by email invitation.

After tuition, you can email heidi.faith@stillbirthday.com directly to expedite this step.  Alternatively, if you prefer fb communications, you can join us in Admissions.

HOW OUR HEARTS RELEASE BEGAN
TRENDING
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x