Told by: Kayla
My second pregnancy started just the same as first. The morning sickness reared it’s ugly head, and I knew. My husband was so excited, as was I. We chose a midwife in a free standing birth center, and couldn’t have been happier with our choice. We were right on schedule to have a baby girl February 5th, 2014. Every appointment we had she sounded healthy. Our excitement grew as her due date came closer and closer. The 40 week mark came and went, but we didn’t mind. I woke up on Valentine’s day feeling pretty crummy, I was 41+3. I knew she was coming soon! I called my husband at work and asked him if he would come to the appointment today because I knew I would need his help with our 18 month old son. We had an extensive visit with our midwives about the upcoming birthing day, how I felt, and let them know I expected her within 24 hours. She checked for position (she FINALLY rolled over into the right one) and heart beat. All was well and we left with the confidence that we would have our daughter soon! We spent the night in and relaxed as much as we could, and I went to bed around 8pm so I could get some extra rest. When I woke up at 4am with contractions, I was glad I’d done that. I knew this was just the beginning. I continued to have minor contractions and sleep through the breaks for another 5 hours. At this point they were only about 8 minutes apart, then tapered off to 15. I decided that a warm bath might do me some good, so with my husband sitting on the floor of the bathroom I labored about a half hour in there. I hadn’t been paying attention to the timing of my contractions much, but my hubby was. After a pretty hard one he looked at me white faced and said “We need to get you out of here and dressed. I’m calling the midwife.” Our midwife agreed and said that she would meet us at the birth center in about 15 minutes. I got out of the tub and sat on the couch while my husband grabbed my clothes. In the time between the bath and reaching the couch I was in transition. By the time I was dressed and in the truck I was having contractions back to back and pushing against my own will. The 10 minute drive to the birth center was the most excruciating car ride I’ve ever been on. I remember trying to hide the fact that I was pushing from my already freaked out husband. When we arrived at the birth center the assistant midwife was trying to get my vitals as well as a fetal heart beat. After a few minutes of not finding it, they called an ambulance to transfer me to the hospital. When they loaded me up with my husband and midwife I remember looking at the clock and reading 1:13 pm. Luckily for us the hospital is right across the street from the birth center. They quickly whisked us into a room and desperately tried to find an OB close by. The nurses were setting up the warming bed and various other baby equipment, and I remember my husband saying “Uhh, guys, there’s a head. Can someone help us?” My midwife, with no hospital rights, jumped in and delivered my daughter. Audrey Elizabeth was stillborn at 1:18pm on February 16th weighing 6 pounds 11 ounces. She was loved incredibly, in all of her beauty. While we’re trying to cope we go on in our daily lives, simply missing something that should be there. We’ve prayed fervently for peace, but it just hasn’t seemed to come to us yet. Some day I know that it will. For all of you struggling with loss, know that it will come for you as well.
