Told by: Erica

I just had my third miscarriage. Fourth heaven born baby. This one has been my hardest. My other pregnancies were from bad situations and didn’t have the same impact as losing a child with someone you love by your side and grieving too.

I don’t exactly mean to imply that losing my other children wasn’t hard. All of my losses were hard but I went through them alone and no one understood so I forced myself to heal faster so I could stop hearing people say that it was just a miscarriage, what’s the big deal, and other things like that. This one was harder because I not only had to contend with my grief but with my boyfriends grief as well.  We both still feel the loss and so it’s hard because  we seem to grieve more together than I was able to when I was alone.

My boyfriend and I both knew the day we conceived. It was a total “oops” moment where the condom slipped, of all things. We both knew in that moment that we had conceived and once I missed my next period we decided to wait a few weeks and just enjoy the idea of a child, even though we knew because of my past I would have a very hard time carrying this child. We were both sure we were having a boy and we were getting excited.

Then one day, a couple days past seven weeks, I started spotting. I didn’t say anything at first because I knew what was happening. The next day I continued to miscarry and began cramping horribly which alerted my boyfriend to something being wrong, and so I had to tell him. We opted for a natural miscarriage together and I spent the next 3 days cramping and mourning the loss of another child. We named our son Ethan Daniel. He was born into heaven on April 5th 2013 and I can’t wait to see him in heaven one day.