The Love of Two Aunts

Told by: Jalisa

We waited over 5 years to get pregnant, and my husband and I were so excited to finally conceive.

My pregancy was so perfect and beautiful and I enjoyed every minute. My Jaisie Mariana was such a joyful and playful baby girl. She was always moving. I run a daycare from home and one morning she did not wake me up at her normal 6:30am. I thought she was sleeping in and went on to care for the other children.

By lunch time I felt that something was wrong but couldn’t leave my daycare kids alone. My sister was also headed out of town and I had her 2 girls. I began to get a crippling pain on my left side that lasted about 45 minutes. When my husband got off work he couldn’t get Jaisie to move either, like he normally could.

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After getting the girls to bed I finally headed to the emergency room solo at 11pm thinking they would send me home like the last 2 times (once heartburn and once major headaches). Around midnight the nurse tried to find her heartbeat for 15min. When she couldn’t they called in an ultrasound. The tech ran out. Minutes later a team of 5 doctors came in and said her heart had stopped. Nobody tried to save my baby! I gave birth 30hours later naturally after 2hrs of pushing on October 13, 2012 to my 6lb 1.75oz angel who was 20inches long. I had lost my first born at 37 weeks! The placenta had separated. Her cord was also tied around her arm, leg, and neck. I tested positive for group b strep which made labor painful on the right side. I ended up finding out I had choreoamneonitis; which I think came from an infection I got following a root canal I had done at 24 weeks. No one informed me until I wound up back in the hospital 2 weeks after birth with severe swelling they attributed to postpartum preeclampsia. Since I chose to bury my baby and not have her autopsied there was no way for me to prove the hospital or oral sugeons negligence. My life has been a mess since. I now suffer anxiety and depression. Especially after my sister took her own life in July. She left behind 5 kids that I am now struggling to see.Those were always my babies too. When I lost my daughter they were all I had and the father of the three girls is trying to keep them away. She tried to give me the girls because she wanted to take away my pain and had her own personal issues, but her husband would not allow it. Now she is gone too. Hope is hard to come by these days. But through all of this I have the most loving, supportive, dedicated, selfless husband there is walking right beside me.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
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I would not undo his existence just to undo my pain.

Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.

— George Eliot

Much more than pro-life or pro-choice, I am pro-healing.

— an SBD Doula

I had seen birth and death but had thought they were different.

— T.S. Eliot

Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk. It is walking toward me, without hurrying.

— Jean Cocteau
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