Selective Reduction

& TFMR Resources

This section includes facing the decision of termination for medical reasons in a singleton (TMFR)
or in a multiples pregnancy (selective reduction).

Selective Reduction is a difficult decision families may face when pregnant with multiples. If one or more multiple potentially pose a danger to the health or wellbeing of the mother and/or siblings, the pressure to face this difficult decision may be even greater. Because there are many different facets to such a difficult decision, we’ve divided them here to start with a general platform, simply to remind you that very fact – that there are many facets to such a difficult decision.

Regarding Loss after Medically Assisted Conception

Loss after ART

Regarding Selective Reduction specifically Here are external links to resources that are specific to selective reduction:

In Embracing Laura , Martha Wegner-Hay tells her story of grief and joy after discovering she was pregnant with twins, that one twin would not survive, and giving birth to her healthy son, David. After being told that one of her twins had almost no chance of survival and that the sick baby could affect the chance of survival of the healthy twin, Wegner-Hay and her family made the difficult choice of selective reduction. Embracing Laura tells of the wrenching collision of sadness at Laura’s death, and the joyous experience of David’s healthy birth.
Outside the Circle of Grief

Regarding Decisions & Loss

Prenatal Testing support
In a deep desire to be sensitive, one of the facets of such a decision does include TFMR (termination for medical reasons), the intentional termination of life of one or more of the babies, and so with this introduction to this facet you might visit our starting place for elective abortion as it does hold information that may be applied into the very specific situation of TFMR such as selective reduction as well.

Regarding NICU

The NICU can be a difficult place to be in, emotionally, for any reason you may be there. Our NICU support resources are here to help.

Regarding Multiples

Here is our start page regarding multiples, which links to additional outside resources for pregnancy challenges and support, birth plans and bereavement support.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES

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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

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BECOME A DOULA!

Enroll now in the Birth & Bereavement Doula® program!

We onboard enrolled students into the program by email invitation.

After tuition, you can email heidi.faith@stillbirthday.com directly to expedite this step. Alternatively, if you prefer fb communications, you can join us in Admissions.