This is My Farewell

Told by: Lynne

My first child was a twin. I didn’t find that our for many years–31 to be exact. I bled the first few months I knew I was pregnant. I didn’t think much about as my mother bled through both pregnancies with her sons born 8 and 11 years before I was born. I had a troubled delivery. I nearly bled to death until some bright nurse decided pitocin was necessary in i.v. form. Problem was, my veins were collapsing and until the very last minute, I believe, an open vein was found. I was given 2 units of blood. I bled those out. While trying to cope with my first child still under Billi lights in the hospital nursery, I attempted to recover from an anal rip that took 2 hours and 45 minutes to repair. Finally, baby came home. I still continued to be in pain–location: lower abdomen. After having my pregnancy m.d. remove a fecal impaction, I still remained in pain and bleeding heavily. At no time did anyone , nurse or doctor feel my lower abdomen. On my way back into the m.d.’s office, I stopped for a blood test to check anemia. I had an overwhelming urge to vomit and go potty at the same time, so I used the bathroom in the lab. Now I know what I saw was my other child’s placenta (I know this was not born child’s placenta, as I viewed it up close and personally at my son’s birth. It was a picture-perfect placenta.). At the time, I wanted to grab what I saw and take it up to the m.d.’s office, but the lab tech told me I could not extract it from the facility. Last year, a very dear person was talking of her daughter’s birth. By that time, ultrasound readily was used. She described the same scenario as I had above, but her m.d. had modern technology on his side and found the unoccupied placenta. She immediately had a D&C to remove placenta.

This is my farewell to my son or daughter thirty-two years later; actually 32 years, 7 months and 18 days later. I really had odd feeling of missing a babe when my next preemie son was born, 2 days less that 2 years later. I believe I was mourning the passing of the missing twin from prior pregnancy. 15 months later, I gave birth to a healthy, 40 week pregnancy, baby boy. No matter whether this happens to you and you know immediately or like me, 31 years later, its still the same; nothing changes.  You miss your unborn child and don’t let go ’til you say ”good-bye”.

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
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A miracle is really the only way to describe motherhood and giving birth. It’s unbelievable how God has made us women and babies to endure and be able to do so much. A miracle, indeed. Such an incredible blessing.

— Jennie Finch

I honor you. {I DO}ula.

— an SBD Doula

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.

— Stendhal

Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.

— Erich Fromm

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

— Mark Twain
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