Rearing isn’t Easy

Maybe you are a parent who has endured loss.  Maybe that loss is the death of a baby, or it’s a struggle to conceive.

In darkness, you might have thought:

“I’d be a much better parent than her…”

And somehow, this quiet boastfulness only festered your grief.

Jealousy immediately followed.

Maybe even, a bit of entitlement.  Anger. 

Somehow and somewhere in your journey, though, you are now a parent to a living child.

And, it’s not as easy as you thought.

You might be sleep deprived.

You might be fearful that your child isn’t bonding very well with you.

You might be dreading that your baby isn’t behaving like you thought, or that you aren’t responding with the endless amounts of affection, attention and adoration you imagined having.

Maybe you’ve lost your patience.

Maybe guilt followed.

Maybe shame began to sink in, and sink your spirits.

Parenting – whether through mourning, or through rearing, flat is not easy.

And, you are not alone.

You are invited to share your rearing challenges and joys in our Holding Umbrellas collection.  Just use our sharing tab to write your story.

 

 

 

Related: the SBD growing collection of “subsequent” pregnancy, birth and rearing resources and our Still Parenting journal project.

{photo source}

 

 

 

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BIRTH & BEREAVEMENT QUOTES
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She was a genius of sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, appreciating its subtle nuances. She was a prism through which sadness could be divided into its infinite spectrum.

— Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

— C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

I am strong.

— January, founder of Birth Without Fear

When someone you love dies, and you’re not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there’s a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she’s gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part.

— John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany

They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite.

— Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
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